A Father's Promise Read online

  "We never thought you were imposing, Ellis. You are the son of a dear childhood friend." Thomas picked up his cane and maneuvered himself around a chair and toward the entryway. "In my line of work I've seen what upset people do behind the wheel, Ellis. It's not a pretty sight. Ask yourself who would take care of Trevor should you wrap yourself around a telephone pole because you were too distressed to handle a car properly." Thomas stopped in the entryway. "I'll see you both at breakfast."

  With a heavy heart, Sydney watched her father leave. The man who had caused the accident the night her mother died had been upset because his wife had just left him for another man. He also had been legally drunk. It had been a deadly combination. One her father knew all too well.

  She glanced over at the man who had slipped into her heart without her permission. The thought of him wrapping his car around a pole as her father had said made her tremble inside. "Will you please stay? If you leave early enough, you can still have breakfast with Trevor."

  "I'll stay, Sydney, stop worrying." Ellis reached for his jacket that was hanging by the back door. "I need some fresh air."

  Sydney watched him go. He wasn't going to drive while he was so upset, which was what she and her father had wanted. He was hurting, yet he hadn't asked her to comfort him. She shouldn't allow Ellis's need to be alone hurt her, but it did. She and Ellis weren't lovers. She liked to think they could have been friends if the circumstances had been different. They were just two people who were attracted to each other and who had shared a few feverish kisses. There was no reason why Ellis would need her shoulder to lean on. No reason at all.

  How could she offer Ellis comfort when in the dark places in her heart she had been praying that Thomas wasn't really his father? Her tears were for Trevor and his lost miracle. The pain in her heart was for a man she'd come to care for. The man she longed to help.

  * * *

  Outside, Ellis studied the stars as he walked the paths through the fields behind Thomas's house. He and Thomas had walked these same paths many times in the past several days. Now he walked them and railed against the heavens, the Fates and the injustice of it all. Thomas was right. He was in no shape to get behind the wheel and speed home to his son. His arrival home wasn't going to change a thing. There was no miracle for Trevor.

  Past experience told him the tears would come after the anger. He had to work through the anger, but he didn't know if he could this time. Tears left him weak, while anger gave him strength. He had always used that strength to fight another day, but this time it was different. He knew what he was fighting for, he just didn't know who to fight any longer. He was out of enemies, out of options and out of hope.

  He shouldn't have left Sydney like that. She had been upset and crying, but he couldn't stay. He needed her too much. For the first time since his son's illness was diagnosed, he wanted someone to comfort him. Someone to lean on and rail against the Fates with him. He wanted that person to be Sydney.

  He couldn't ask it of her. He was leaving in the morning. Trevor was his first responsibility. There was no room in his life for a woman like Sydney. It wouldn't be fair to her, or any other woman, to take on what he would be facing in the future. Her look of distress when he had finally turned around to face her and Thomas told him how much she already cared. Sydney's heart was already involved, but he had no love to spare. Trevor needed all his attention, all his love.

  Ellis walked for another hour over the same paths. He used the light of the full moon to guide him, and his anger to speed him on. Slowly but surely the anger abated and he made his way to the patio outside the kitchen door. The lights inside the house were burning. He knew Sydney was still up, probably waiting for him.

  He couldn't face her now. He would be too tempted to find comfort in her arms and in her bed. He had to make it through one more night in the same house with her before he could leave with a clear conscience.

  Ellis lowered himself to the small bench beneath the light. Sydney had used the same bench to take off her work boots the first night he was here. He leaned his head against the clapboard siding of the house and closed his eyes. He needed a plan. Any plan to help Trevor. He needed to do something. He needed to keep busy.

  His usually active and creative mind drew a blank. A dark scary blank. He didn't know which way to turn. Every avenue had a Dead End sign posted on it. He tried one path after another and got the same results. Nothing but darkness.

  He felt tears slip down his face but kept trying another path, any path. His son needed him. Trevor was counting on him to pull a miracle out of some imaginary hat. The tears came faster as another Dead End sign loomed in front of him. He had promised his son everything would be all right and he had never once broken a promise to him.

  He heard the back door open, but didn't open his eyes. He knew it was Sydney. He could feel her warmth and smell the soft floral fragrance of her perfume. The bench gave a small creak as she silently sat down beside him. He prayed that she wouldn't say anything. He was teetering on the edge. The tears rolling down his face were just the beginning. The dam surrounding his heart was beginning to crack.

  Sydney didn't make a sound or move for five minutes. He was meticulously shoring up the dam only to have the whole thing crumble with the simplest of gestures—when she reached out and took his one hand in hers. The tremble in her fingers pushed him over the edge.

  With a rough groan he pulled Sydney into his arms, buried his face in her hair and sobbed his heart out.

  * * *

  Sydney paced the kitchen like some expectant father in a maternity ward. She had heard Ellis moving around in his room earlier, and by the sounds she knew he had been packing. Any minute now he was going to be coming down to say goodbye. She had one chance left to offer Ellis and Trevor hope. Even if it was only a small sliver of hope.

  When she had come down earlier to put on some coffee, she had found her father sitting at the table in the predawn darkness. He looked as if he had spent a sleepless night too. She had kissed her father's cheek and told him she had a plan. Thomas had wanted to know what it was, but she'd told him he would have to wait until Ellis came down.

  Last night when Ellis broke down in her arms, she knew she had to think of something. Ellis had been crying for his son and the miracle that hadn't happened. Her tears had been for the little boy she'd never met and Ellis. She had held Ellis for a good forty minutes before they came into the house and went to their separate bedrooms. There had been no heated kisses to torment her night.

  She had spent the night curled in a chair in front of the window, staring out into the night and thinking. The plan came to her around four in the morning. It wasn't a foolproof plan, but it was something. She could offer the man she had come to care for at least one thing. She could offer him hope.

  The sound of Ellis coming down the stairs stopped her pacing. When he stepped into the kitchen, she could tell he hadn't slept, either.

  She tried to smile at Ellis. "I just made some coffee, would you care for some?"

  "No thank you, Sydney. I want to get an early start. I'll pick up a cup when I stop for gas."

  So much for pleasantries. She wasn't going to get Ellis to sit down. "I've been thinking a lot about your situation and I think I know a solution. At least it might be an answer if my father agrees to help out."

  "Of course I'll help," Thomas said. "Just tell me what to do."

  Ellis looked unconvinced. "I know you both want to help, but there isn't anything you can do unless you talk to everyone you know and get them to give a blood sample and to become registered on the National Marrow Donor Program. If more people volunteer to become donors, there's a better chance that a match will be found."

  "We'll do that gladly, but that wasn't what I was thinking." Sydney took the last sip of her coffee and placed the empty cup on the counter. "The one question that has been bugging me is why your mother named Thomas St. Claire as the father of her baby. I think I now know why she did that."


  "Why?" Ellis's curiosity was at least piqued.

  "For some reason she didn't want to name your real father … possibly she was afraid, I just don't know. Catherine knew she would be raising you alone and that if something should happen to her, the state would check the birth certificate and notify your father. Your mother and my father had been neighbors and good friends. She trusted Thomas, so she used his name as a safeguard. She knew my father, who always loved children, would take you in and raise you as his own." She stopped next to her father's chair and placed her hand on his shoulder. "And she was right to think so. If he took me into his home, a complete stranger, he would have taken Catherine Carlisle's son."

  "My mother had no idea that Thomas would have taken me in or not," Ellis countered. "Thomas was only twenty-one years old when she listed him as my father."

  "Catherine knew I would have taken you in and raised you as my own, Ellis." Thomas slowly nodded his head as if he was finally understanding something.

  "How?"

  "I told her."

  "What?" Ellis appeared just as startled as she was by that confession. "What do you mean you told her? You knew she was pregnant?"

  "No, I didn't know she was pregnant at the time. Looking back, I guess I should have known." Thomas wearily rubbed his unshaven jaw. "One of the last conversations we had was about children and the future. She asked me if I ever wanted any children and I told her I wanted a houseful. I remember telling her I wanted Thanksgiving dinner to be so crowded that it would take a twenty-five-pound turkey and a kids' table set up in the living room to handle it all." Thomas seemed saddened by the memory. "She asked me what I would do if my wife and I couldn't have any children of our own. I told her we'd adopt. I said there were plenty of children who needed a good loving home who wouldn't mind being crowded when eating Thanksgiving dinner."

  She was right. Catherine had used Thomas as a safeguard against the uncertain future. Her father had thought about adoption long before she had shown up on the scene. She had to wonder why he hadn't adopted any kids before she had come along or even after she had arrived on the scene. She'd think about that one later. For now, she had to convince Ellis to give her idea a try.

  Ellis appeared momentarily moved by the story before shrugging it off. "I still don't see the connection to the current situation."

  "Thomas St. Claire isn't your father, Ellis, agreed?"

  "Agreed."

  "So that means your real biological father is still out there somewhere."

  "It's a real big world out there, Sydney. There's more than two hundred and fifty million people in the United States alone. How do you suppose I find him?"

  "Coalsburg is a pretty small town. Not too many people leave it."

  "My mother left it."

  "Yes, she did. She also never came back. Not even for a visit."

  "Ellis, Sydney's right." Thomas sat up straight and all signs of fatigue were gone. "Catherine might not have come back for fear of running into your real father. She knew he would still be here."

  "Maybe she was afraid of running into her parents."

  "Could be, but if Sydney's right about her being scared of naming your real father, then my money's on her being afraid of running into him. Your father has to be from this town, Ellis. Catherine was in high school back then and she rarely left town except for a few church trips that I remember."

  "There's still a chance, Ellis." Sydney didn't want to build up his hopes just to watch them come crashing down, but he needed to explore every opportunity. "Trevor's grandfather still might be living in town. We could find him."

  "How?"

  "That's where we need my father's help." She reached out and touched her father's hand. He turned his palm over and linked fingers with her. "My father knows everyone in town, and he knows who was around thirty-three years ago." She gave her father a loving smile and squeezed his hand. "With his help we could find Trevor's grandfather."

  Ellis thought about it for a moment then released a heavy sigh. "I would greatly appreciate anything you two might uncover, but I still have to head on home. Trevor needs me right now and he's too young to understand why I'm not with him. I've been away too long as it is. I can't stay any longer."

  "We understand, Ellis, and we certainly don't want to cause Trevor any more distress," Thomas said.

  "I think the only solution would be if you brought Trevor out here to stay." Sydney squeezed her father's hand once again. "While my father's mind might be a steel trap, he is going to need someone to do his legwork for him. If you bring Trevor to stay with us, there would be two of us to do the running. Plus you would be with your son. There's plenty of room in the house and I know both my father and I would love to meet him."

  "You won't mind?"

  "Mind having Catherine's grandson under my roof?" Thomas said. "It would be my pleasure, Ellis. Catherine thought enough of me to name me as the father of her child. The least I can do is help her son and grandson out. She would have wanted me to." Thomas stood up and reached for his cane. "I'm going to the den to start working on my strategy. Thirty-three-year-old mysteries can be tricky." Thomas left the room.

  Sydney didn't watch her father leave. She was too busy watching the emotions sweep across Ellis's face. Doubt was slowly being replaced with hope. She prayed she was doing the right thing and not setting Ellis up for another fall. "You know there is a chance your father might have left town or won't admit to impregnating your mother and then abandoning her."

  "I know, Sydney. Your little scheme has a very slim chance of working, and even if it does there's no guarantee that Trevor's grandfather would take the test and agree to become a donor. Then there's the slim-to-nothing chance there would be an actual match." The frown on Ellis's face lifted slightly. "Then again, if I headed home, there would be no chance at all, would there?"

  "Trevor would love springtime in the country."

  "Five-year-old boys can be a handful. The house will be stuck in perpetual chaos."

  "I'm sure the chaos will be outweighed by the love he will bring."

  "The only thing that would outweigh the chaos is the number of stuffed animals he is going to insist on bringing with him." Ellis chuckled as he shook his head at the thought. "I have a hell of a time saying no to him."

  Sydney answered his chuckle with one of her own. The love Ellis felt for his son was obvious even to her untrained eye. "Five-foot-long alligators in the tub would definitely liven things up around here."

  Ellis's laugh slowly faded and a gleam of hunger leaped into his eyes. "You know that if I come back we're going to become lovers." His finger reached out and touched the corner of her mouth. "I can't fight the desire any longer, Sydney. I want you too much to spend another night under the same roof as you without touching you. Tasting you. Knowing all of you. This time I won't be stopping with kisses. This time there won't be any stopping at all."

  Sydney felt the heat of his gaze burn into her soul and the touch of his finger singe her heart. Ellis was telling her the truth. There wouldn't be any stopping when he returned.

  Ellis lowered his hand. "I'll ask you one last time, Syd. Do you want me to come back with my son to look for his grandfather?"

  She knew what he was saying. They would become lovers, but eventually he would have to leave again. Ellis's home wasn't in the small coal town of Coalsburg. Trevor needed advanced medical treatment that only big urban hospitals could provide. Even Ellis's business was based in Philadelphia. Everything was stacked against a happy-ever-after ending. She told herself she could live with that as long as she knew it from the beginning. Making love with Ellis wasn't a desire. It was a necessity.

  She stepped closer to him and gave him temporary custody of her heart. "Come back, Ellis. I want you too much to fight it any longer."

  Ellis's mouth crushed hers beneath his with the promise of both fulfillment and the pleasure that was soon to come. Real soon.

  Chapter 7

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Sydney glanced around the living room in awe. She had just figured out a new mathematical equation. One little boy times three hours equaled total chaos. Ellis had been right. She really hadn't doubted him for a moment. She just thought he had been exaggerating a bit.

  The room that had once been her mother's pride and joy had been turned into a zoo. The huge overstuffed sofa that was upholstered in a soft cream with huge pink cabbage roses was overrun with lions and tigers. The matching chair held an elephant and a six-foot-long rubber snake. The orangutan family had claimed the Queen Anne chair. She had to chuckle at the scene.

  Trevor had followed the one rule she had set down. Nothing was to go on the floor, where her father might trip over it. The floor was spotless, except for the expensive wool area rug her mother had purchased last year. It was the rest of the room that was in disarray. A charming disarray that would have panicked her mother and made her father laugh if he could see it.

  Thomas had fallen in love with Trevor within twenty minutes of the boy's arrival. She was positive the feeling was mutual. Ellis had obviously explained to Trevor about Thomas and the fact that he was blind. Trevor had accepted her father's blindness without any awkward silences or questions.

  Her father had been more nervous about the first meeting than the little boy. Trevor, who had been clutching one of the orangutans, had immediately gone into some long explanation on what the hairy apes ate. After being duly impressed, Thomas had asked to hold the monkey so he could "see" with his hands. Trevor, intrigued by this new way of "seeing," had instantly shown Thomas every animal he had brought with him. The back seat of Ellis's Mercedes had been full when they had pulled up earlier.

  "I did try to warn you." Ellis's voice came from directly behind her and held a hint of laughter.

  "Yes, you did." She felt the flutter of excitement dance in her stomach at his nearness. Ellis was back. They were going to become lovers. She could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. She glanced over her shoulder and gave him a warm smile. "I can see why you have trouble saying no to Trevor. He's not only adorable, he does things quietly. He doesn't go around demanding things and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way, does he?"